When I don’t feel strong (like today)

4 photos of Little

My son turns two tomorrow and I am anxious as all hecks to a cookie (i don’t know what that means but I really want a cookie.)

It could be because the farther we get away from the baby time, the more I feel like I missed out on enjoying my little baby because of the tubes, IV’s, chemo, and depression.

It could be because I realized a year ago we had his one-year birthday party, which feels like at least five years ago. So much has happened, it almost hurts to think about what his two little years have brought.

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A Wonderful Mother’s Day


Last Sunday was Mother’s Day. I could tell you how I spent it (sick in bed), how it felt (refreshing), or what I did two Mother’s Day’s ago (cursing the doctors, who told me it was my due date with my second child — he wouldn’t come out for eight more days — as I waited like a beached whale who just ate three pirate ships and was too lazy to care where he ended up, while the nine-pound monster inside of me swam around in a pool that was three times bigger than it was supposed to be).

Instead I feel like sharing a mommy victory I had this week. Motherhood is a hard job. It’s a unique job because it’s not even a job but a lifestyle, but at times can be tedious work. They give you the basic job description when you get pregnant, and you ignore the little line at the bottom that says “other duties as required” but then soon you realize you’re totally and completely screwed by that little disclaimer and have no idea what you are doing.

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Sometimes I Write…

Stack of notebooks

I can be fairly rude. In church on Sunday, any church, and more and more anywhere, I write. It’s not always on what the pastor or person speaking is saying… it’s just inspiration coming out.

Often the “inspiration” is something said that urges me to pray. I have found writing out my prayers to not only give me clarity, but lets me look back on it later, which is invaluable.

Some times I write because because at that random moment I suddenly received clarity on something else I was writing. Others I’m just writing notes on whatever is going on because I have the memory of a gnat.

What it really is, is that usually in that moment, I am sitting down and just listening to what God has to say through me. And I write it all down.

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Never Let Them See You Sweat (Do It All Shame)

Cartoon mom with cape

This week I am trying out a new routine: Every morning watching a TED talk to start my day. It’s been a good way to get me interested in a particular thought or personal challenge before I start the hours of chores, kid games, and nap time struggles.

On Monday, I watched Brene Brown’s Listening to Shame.  Brown is, first off, AMAZING. Continue reading

So, I’m Turning 30 Soon

That moment you realize you're one month away from turning 30

It’s hit me in a weird way. For some reason it had made me feel less inhibited. Basically in a “screw it, I am turning 30, why wait?” type of way.

Maybe it’s just a 1/3rd life crisis…I doubt it though. I’m kind of psyched about the whole thing.

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Snacks Make Life Better

Little Lady and me sticking our tounges out and Little Boy looking bored


Being mature with my daughter at the doctors office, as always. My son just putting up with us, as always.

I’m stealing away some time to write this. Today is Little Boy’s PH test, which means a feeding tube like thing down his nose and into his esophagus for 24-hours. As you can imagine my toddler is thrilled as can be at this development.

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Comforting Things Christians Say To Other Christians That Aren’t Actually Comforting

Small yellow church

I’ve spent the last almost two years holding my son’s hand while he fights cancer. We were solid church-goers before, and our faith has only strengthened. The problem is that a lot of people don’t know what to say, even Christians, so they end up saying some pretty awful things. They don’t mean to. Everyone means well, but a child with cancer… sometimes the right words aren’t always at the tip of our tongue. Some are especially bad but most are just misguided. Here are some of the more misguided ones I receive regularly from well-meaning fellow Christians, that honestly make me cringe every time I share tough news because I know it’s coming.

What’s said: “God has a plan.” This is usually accompanying any of the really, really bad news. The thing is, the whole “God has a plan” thing isn’t helpful… at all. It’s supposed to be a comfort. Typically though, when it’s said, it isn’t. It’s helpful when asking “why is this happening?” It is not helpful when someone is expressing sadness over the pain their child is going through.

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